👋 Hey phi-lazy-phers
"They're happier than me."
"Wow, they've got their life all figured out, and I don't."
"They're so in touch with themselves, why am I not like that?"
"How come I don't have a body like theirs? I should eat healthier and exercise more."
All of these are comparisons, rooted in me feeling like I'm not enough, which have crossed my mind at one point or another. They happen at the speed of light, and it feels so natural, too. And with social media, it happens effortlessly. But I've also realized it's one of the quickest ways to develop anxiety and cognitive distortions.
According to Thomas Mussweiler, a professor of organizational behavior, a comparison is "One of the most basic ways we develop an understanding of who we are, what we're good at, and what we're not so good at."
It makes sense, right? Putting ourselves side by side with another person helps us figure out who we are...in relation to that person. What this approach doesn't consider is the fact that we're all different people learning and growing at a pace that's unique to us.
Throughout time, healers, thinkers, and creators have wrestled with the trap of comparison. And as usual, I wanted to know their perspectives:
Iyanla Vanzant
Comparison is an act of violence against the self.
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Keisha Blair
Comparison to others is the emperor of all emotional maladies. It kills the spirit and creates divisions in our social interactions.
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Lao Tzu
Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.
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Marcus Aurelius
The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do.
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Karl Lagerfeld
Personality begins where comparison ends.
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Sigmund Freud
The only person with whom you have to compare ourselves, is that you in the past.
When we compare ourselves to other people, we give them power over our behavior. Instead of doing things because we want to achieve our goals, we do them to feel like we can compete with others.
Now, looking to others can be beneficial and serve as a reference point, a source of inspiration, hope, and even an opportunity to be better than we were before. But looking outside of ourselves to measure how we're doing, or how "enough" we are, doesn't serve us.
Instead of comparing ourselves to others, let's compare ourselves to past versions of ourselves. When I think about where I was a year ago to where I am now, the evolution is undeniable.
If you're in a cycle of comparison, try a reflection exercise:
What's something I'm grateful for today?
What is something I like about myself?
What did I learn yesterday?
What experience do I want to have today?
Upcoming Issues:
Expectation
Questions
Rest
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Comparing our previous self with our present self encourages self awareness and growth. Good philosophy!